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Here’s the first installment in my, uh, updated serialisation of the Hardy Boys.

August 25, 2012

THE HARDLEY BOYS in “WHO THE FUCK STOLE MY SHIT?”

Frank Hardley”s tongue was firmly ensconced inside Debbie Morris when he heard the muffled sound of Chopin”s Funeral March ringing from his trouser pocket.

“Shit,” he muttered, giving her labia one last lick. Debbie”s moans ceased as Frank pulled out his hone.

“Sorry, honey,” he whispered. “But when Dad calls me on this line, it usually means business.

““Hey Pops,” he answered, trying not to lead his father on to where he was. Debbie pulled up her panties and skirt, which was a tricky maneuver in the back of Frank”s BMW.

“ Hello, Frank,” Ferris Hardley replied. Ferris was a well-respected police detective in Bay City, and his two sons inherited his detection skills, among a few other traits.

“ Lorne Murchison called us down here.  There”s been a bit of trouble.”

“ What kind of trouble?” Frank asked.

“ He wouldn”t get into it over the phone. All he kept yelling was “Who the fuck stole my shit?”

“Must be pretty major. The Murchisons are pretty loaded.”

True on both counts. I want to talk to you boys about it over dinner. Can you be home in fifteen?

Frank looked of at Debbie”s lovely blue eyes, then down at the bulge in his pants.

“Uh, sure,” he said, hesitatingly.

“Great. I”ll see you then. I”ll call Joe.”

Frank hung up and put the phone away. He leaned over and kissed Debbie.

“You taste good”, she smiled.

“ No, YOU taste good. “ He kissed her again. “Sorry, sweetie,” he intoned. “Dad”s got business for us. I”ll drop you off at home. Rain check?”

She nodded with a smirk. “You should at least wash your face before you get home. “

“Ha!” Frank chimed. They climbed into the front seat and drove out of the secluded grove they used for their early evening trysts.

Joe Hardy was luckier before his father called. Lorraine”s parents were both at work, so she had the house to herself. They kissed on her bed.

“Only one thing,” she said, as she unzipped his pants.

“Let me guess,” Joe smiled. “ You”re ragging.”

“Uh-huh”, she murmured as she eased his cock out of his jeans. “ So I”m just gonna have to suck you off.”

“I guess I can live with that,” Joe winked, and lay back on the bed.

A few minutes and several Kleenex later, the couple snuggled on the bed when Joe”s phone rang. It was Wagner”s Ride of the Valkyries- Dad.

Ferris repeated the story to Joe.

“Sorry honey,” Joe said, kissing Lorraine. Duty calls. Dad”s got a case.”

“Tomorrow?” she asked sweetly. “I get off at six.”

“Then I”ll get you off at seven,” he said, heading for the door.

II

The Hardley family gathered around the dinner table. The Mets game played softly on the television in the living room. The boys” mother, Gladys, served a lovely curried pot roast, and Frank judged from her breath and movement that she”d only had a few Sherries so far. Gladys was an heiress from her late father”s oyster shucking company, but generally kept busy during the school year. Only now, in early summer, most of her activities were on hold, so she busied herself with cocktails and tabloids.

“Christ, Mom” Joe said as he took his empty plate to the sink.” Even if you”ve thrown a few back, you can still cook your ass off.”

“ I like to cook with wine,” she replied.

“Sometimes she even puts it in the food,” Ferris said dryly. “Now boys,” he continued, opening up his notebook,  “ As you probably know, the Murchisons are a father and son investment team in the City”

“Yeah,” Joe said. “ The Wall Street bastards with those crazy legal troubles.”

“ Nothing was ever proved,” Frank said.

“ They”ve always been nice people”, Ferris added. “Although we only know them socially. Mrs. Murchison died a few years ago, leaving Lorne and Sean in their big old house. They”d never had any problems before, and Bay City isn”t exactly known for high-end robberies.

“We”re just left with a few junkies and some methheads,” Frank said.

“Well somebody knew the hell to steal from.” Joe added.

Ferris cleared his throat. “ Lorne wouldn”t go into details, but there were financial papers and lots of high-end computer and electronic equipment. He sounded pretty pissed off.””

“ At least they earned their money,” Gladys said, reaching for the water bong. “Mine was just handed to me.”

“At least you keep busy,” Joe said.

“I”ll smoke to that,” Gladys winked as she drew a lighter to the bong.

“ Save some for me,” Lorne said. He turned back to the boys. “ Can you two go out to the Murchisons tomorrow? They”re expecting you.”

“Damn,” Joe muttered. “Thanks for the warning. “

“We can do it,” Frank said. “ Come on Joe. Let me kick your ass in “Killemall”

“That”s about as likely as Millie Moocher quitting her crack habit,” Joe retorted, punching his brother on the arm. “Call me your truant officer, because I”m gonna be taking you to school.”

They sauntered to the basement to play their favorite video game. The pot smoke drifted down the stairs with them.

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One Comment
  1. A classic in the making. This vile sludge has my panties in a knot.

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