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Chapter 3 of ‘Who The Fuck Stole My Shit?’

August 27, 2012

 

                                                III.

 

The boys slept in after hours of destroying virtual people and objects, then came downstairs to find their father reading the paper and their mother making breakfast.

Ferris looked up from his paper.’ Well, the Murchisons have been good about keeping the robbery out of the paper. I’m glad we don’t have any gossipers on the fore.’

            ‘Yet,’ Joe added, munching on a piece of toast. ‘Wait ‘til tomorrow.’

‘I was thinking we should go by the Murchisons around noon,’ Frank said.

            ‘That would be perfect,’ Ferris said.

            ‘Should we pack heat?’ Joe asked, thinking about his .38 Magnum in his nightstand.

            ‘I don’t think that will be necessary’ Ferris responded. They want your help, not your bullets. I’m heading to work. Call me if you find out anything.’ He folded the paper, and picked up his briefcase, kissing Gladys on the way out. She looked like she was way out as well.

            A few hours later, they were in Frank’s Beemer, heading to the Murchison estate.

‘Hey!’ said Joe. ‘ Let’s call Peep!’

            ‘Sounds like a plan,’ Frank replied. Joe hit Pepe Cohen’s code on speed dial and waited for an answer.  He was unsure if Pepe was even awake yet.

            Pepe Cohen was an old friend of the Hardleys. His father was Jewish, and his mother was Puerto Rican, so his motto was ‘Fuck it. Everybody hates me anyway.’ He had one week left to serve out his suspension for a DUI, so the Hardleys made sure to pick him up for activities, and to keep him from getting bored. Since Pepe’s father was the main pharmacist and town, and Pepe helped stock the back room, using his not-so-legal access to swipe painkillers and tranquilizers. He was always happy to share his stockpile with his friends, and they were happy to oblige him. When they quizzed him about the legality of his activities, he merely replied, ‘Fuck it. It’s not my store.’

            Pepe was waiting for them outside his house. He jumped into the back seat and reclined from door to door.

            ‘Dudes. I need me some coffee like right now,’ he said, yawning.

            ‘Did you double dip last night?’ Joe asked.

            ‘Yeah, Pepe replied. ‘I’m alright, but my head feels like a jellyfish with a hard-on.’

‘I could use a jolt,’ Frank said, as he pulled into The Java Shock’s parking lot.

            A few minutes later, clutching their double chocolate triple espressos, they pulled out of the parking lot, and started to make a left turn on Main Street. All of a sudden, a black convertible blazed by them, nearly sideswiping Frank’s car.

            ‘What the fuck?’ Joe yelled, as the other car sped away. Frank had to back up into the parking lot to avoid traffic coming from their left side.            

            ‘That asshole nearly took us out!’ Frank screamed.

            ‘It was a chick, ‘ Pepe said. ‘A redhead. She looked pretty hot, too.’

            ‘Whatever,’ Joe said. ‘She’s still a dick. That could have been one big Mongolian clusterfuck.’             ‘I’d like to get another look at her,’ Pepe said dreamily.’ There’s nothing like a sea bobbing up and down on your knob.’

‘Dude,’ Frank said, turning left onto Main Street.

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